Home on the range...

Hey all! Just thought that I would let you all know that I made it home safely. I'm happy in a sense to be home, but on the other hand, I already miss my friends from up in Vermilion. Thursday was my last exam and some of our class went out to celebrate that night, then I came home Friday. It felt kinda good to see the Kindersley sign, but I ended up working about 20 mins after I got into town....not that it's a problem, I better get used to it now. So the last post that I made on here I was in tears, and I wish that I could say that it has all changed, but unfortunatly I can't. I am still teary, although not for the same reasons. I have about a million emotions running through my head at any given moment of the day and it's driving me nuts!! I think most of it is just due to the fact that I want to have a home, like a permanent one where I can say ya I have a job and a home. I want to be established somewhere. I don't want to have to move again, but I know that I will have to. It jsut hurt saying goodbye to everyone. I mean come on, you spend two years of your life working as a close team with these people, then all of a sudden you aren't with them anymore, your out on your own, you can't fall back on them...... I know that we all know our stuff, or else we wouldn't be out here on out practicum, but it was familiar, ya know.... everything was, well until things started to change....but I suppose that change isn't always a bad thing......ok, I'm tired, I'm rambling and I think that I might start crying if I think any more tonight, so I believe that I shall leave it here......and I'll pick up where I left off some other night after I have had a substantial amount of sleep....lol....night all.....

Let the rain fall....

So I sit here tonight in tears as I update this....not because I am sad, but because I am uncertain..... in 11 short days, I will be leaving the home that I now have up here, moving away from friends that I have grown close too over the past two years, and looking back fondly on the memories that we have made together, wishing that I could still be with them making more memories....e-mails just aren't the same.....I'm going to miss everyone up here, even the people that I didn't really get along with the greatest still hold a certain place in my heart, and as we all branch off on our new journeys in life, I realize that for the first time in a long time, I don't have a plan. I've applied at a few places, and I know where I will be for the next 8 weeks, but after that, I'm not certain. One thing I am certain of is that without a doubt God will take me where he needs me to be, and maybe thats what scares me so much.....not the fact that he will take me there, but the fact that I may have to step out of another comfort zone that I have created for myself. When I came to college in September of 04 I was terrified....I didn't want to leave home and all my friends there, but I knew that this was where I was supposed to be, so I stepped out of my comfort zone, made new friends, learned new things, got my heart broken, put the pieces back together and trusted again, I fought, made up, cried, laughed, smiled, shouted, moved and grew in the time that I was here, I made a comfort zone up here, and I am happy right where I am, but I know that I cannot stay here.... and maybe thats why I am crying...or maybe it is the future that I am not in control of that brings tears to my eyes...not that I feel the need to be in control, but at the moment, I feel that my life is slipping out of my grasp, and possibly thats a good thing, I need to learn to trust more in God, and to let him handle my life....He knows what he is doing, he got me this far and I know that he can take me farther, I just have to trust in him. I'm sorry if it sounds like I am being preachy at the moment, you don't have to read this if you feel that way, but at the moment, I think that I need to be reminded of this just as much as the next person. God is in total control, he will take me to where I need to be.....so why am I still so scared.....maybe it's because I will be leaving that familiar... I will have to start fresh and get to know new people, I'll have to learn to trust new people.....not such an easy task.....I suppose once I get on the road to wherever I am going, that it will become easier and I will be filled with excitment and vision, but for now, tears fall from my eyes like silent rain drops......

13 more days!!! AHHHH!

Hey all, I realize that is has been a while since my last update. Isn't it funny how time just seems to slip right through my fingers...... The break at home was crazy busy, but also good. I made some pretty funky looking pj's and boy are they comfy, then I spent some time tending to Sammy and doing a glucose curve on him... that really tends to take a lot out of a person, just for the simple fact that it's pretty much an all day job. I didn't really touch my books while I was home, even though we started right back into exams when we got back up here. It was worth it though, I'm totally starting to really get burned out from studying so much, but I guess thats what happens when you only have 5 days of classes left. Finals are coming up so quickly, and it's kinda scary. I'm just thinking that in two weeks I'll be done, I'll be out in practice, actually working on peoples animals, but with more knowledge than I had when I was working over the summer. I know how to do a lot more things and I know that I will be expected to do a lot more when I get into the clinic, and I guess part of that scares me. Don't get me wrong, I know that I can do it, I'm just a little nervous about messing up, cause I know how upset I would be if anything happened to Dash at the expense of someone learning. So needless to say I've been a little stressed latly. But in my stress I have been thinking alot about God's plan for my life. I don't really know what it is. I mean I'm pretty confident that I am going in the right direction cause there are a few classes that I am passing only by the grace of God, lol, like hematology for instance. It's not that I'm not trying, it's just really hard to put things into words in that class. I'm rocking in the lab portion of it though, so I'm pretty sure that I will be ok. I've been praying lately about jobs too, cause I could possibly get one in Kindersley, but I really don't think that is going to happen, as they are currently full staffed and can't really afford to hire another full time tech, and with student loans to pay off, I can't afford a part time job..... so I applied for a job at the vet clinic in Rimbey AB, the ad that they posted in our job binder at the school just kinda jumped out and said pick me when I was flipping through there, so I though, hey why not, if it's where God wants me then I'll be there, if not I guess I'll just have to keep looking until I find where I am supposed to be. Surprisingly I'm not freaking out though... I mean I am definantly nervous, but not to the point that I'm making myself sick about this. I've been getting slightly better in the last little while about giving things over to God and not stressing about them. I am by no means perfect and there are still some things that I grasp tightly in my clutches, but eventually I will let those things go as well, and probably at that point in time get rid of the tension headaches that I have been having.....Mom and Dad are coming to get Dash on monday, and although it will be nice to have the extra time to do other things, Im gonna miss her like crazy...she's a bundle of energy when I have absolutly none, and she keeps me on my toes. I love having her around, but we start writing some finals on tuesday, so it'll be nice to be able to study and not have to worry about her getting out to run. I really can't believe that I'm almost done though... it seems like just yesterday I was so scared about coming to college and moving away from home. I thought that I would never make any friends, and now I look at the bunch that I have made and I am very grateful. Even my roomies, although we have our differences, I have grown closer to all of them and I really hope that we can stay in contact after I leave. Actually I hope that all my friends will keep in contact after we all part ways, cause I'm gonna miss them tonnes!!! Wow, it feels weird to not be studying at the moment, but I told myself I wasn't doing anything school related tonight. I need a break or I really won't make it through the last days of classes.....lol...that wouldn't be good, throw away a whole year just cause I was burned out. I totally won't do that.....Wow am I ever tired though...lol....I wonder how many times I can say that in one day, cause I'm pretty sure that I've already said it a million times today..... well maybe a million and a little bit..... lol.... I took my guitar to school today and played for a couple of the teachers, it was a lot of fun and I'll have to do it again sometime, it's amazing how much stress relief I get from just sitting there picking away at some random notes and making songs out of it.....speaking of making songs, i'm writing a song for my teachers for the end of the year, and hopefully i will be able to finish it by then.... i'm not 100% sure as to what it's going to be like, but i'm sure that I will figure it out....wow i'm kinda all over the place with this blog....but I guess that you guys should be used to that by now, especially in this past little while cause my mind has been flitting around to about a million different places. I'm ok with that though, as long as I can keep my thought straight and not convince myself that things are ok when they really aren't I'm sure that I will survive.... *at first I was afraid I was petrified, kept thinkin I could never live without you by my side..but then I spent so many nights...* lol.,..sorry, I couldn't resist....now I have that song stuck in my head and I will prolly be singing it for th rest of the night, which may not be a bad thing, but then I really won't get any sleep, which at this point in time would be a bonus, I mean getting the sleep.... ok I think I'm done, well at least for the time being, I'm going to go out and feed Dash and maybe pick up a movie or something then come back and most likely crash on the couch. So to all you wonderful people out there, have a great night, and well to the horrible people out there, you have a great night too.... catch ya on the flip side!