Stop slamming the freakin door, and other annoyances

Have you ever met someone who bothers you so much you just want to pick them up and shake them, then slam them into a wall and run away? Ok so maybe thats a little harsh, but there is a girl in my class who really really really gets on my nerves, I mean I literally can't stand her, she always talks down to me like I'm stupid and she's got all the answers. Today was no different from any other day and she annoyed me almost even worse than she has other days. Tonight I heard that she will be staying in our hotel room for the SAVT conference. I was absolutley floored, there was no way I wanted her in my room, my birthday is the saturday of the conference, I want it to be fun and I don't want her to ruin it, it wasn't fair, she had already been signed up with someone else, it just wasn't fair that I would have to share with her. Notice how in the above sentence, it says was, thats a very important word in this rant, because then I heard what the other girls that she was supposed to stay with did to her. They went to the teacher, told her that they wouldn't stay with her, and they crossed her off the list, then they told her that she wasn't allowed to stay with them. When I heard that God really opened my eyes, and I mean opened them wide. I had a good look at myself and realized that I was no different from those girls, I was being just as immature and childish as they were. Thats when it really hit me. God called me to be different, I'm not supposed to be angry with her, she's a child of God just as much as I am. She may not be a believer, but God still loves her just the same. He didn't send Jesus to the cross just for me, although he would have if I had been the only person alive, but the truth of that matter is that I'm not the only person in this world (a truly shocking fact I know) and God sent Jesus for everyone, all sinners, not just me, get the picture. I sure did, so thats when it kinda hit me that I need to stop thinking about how horrible it was going to be staying in the same room as her for a whole weekend and start praying about it. Maybe God will take this opportunity for me to share something with her, even if it is just demonstrating the love of Jesus by my additude to her. All week I have been thinking about Pastor Shawn's message from two weeks ago about humbling yourself, and all week I've been thinking about being humble and I think the moment that I finally realized the I'm not the only one in the world was the moment that I truly became humble. I started to look at my life and realize how selfish I really have been. And this brings me to now, I'm sitting here, writing this blog, pouring out my emotions and honestly thinking about other people. I pray that God will help me to have more of a servants additude, and when I start to become totally self absorbed again that he will give me a reality check. I hope that maybe someone will read this blog and it will mean something to them, and it might help them to come to a realization in their life. It's so easy to fall back into old ways, cause thats the comfortable place to be, but you can't grow if you don't step outside of your comfort zone. I don't know about you, but I don't want to stay in this short shallow pool of existance that I have been living in. I want to step out, and grow in my faith to be more like Christ. Wow, what a feeling. Know that you as well are a child of God, the freedom in that statement is truly amazing, he loves you a million times more than you can ever imagine you can be loved. Embrace it, use it, share it with others. Bless ya guys! Oh and Normsy *Hello McFly* lol

Apparently the fish could live on the floor now...

Tonight was a crazy night. I studied for a bit then went out for supper with a few of the girls, then we came back and ran the dogs, like really ran them, we took the bikes and the dogs and went for a long ride. It was so much fun, then we got back here and Heather and Amanda tried to flood the place while filling the water cooler, it was really quite humerous, then Sia put clam juice in Heathers coffee when she was next door. The look on her face was priceless. Ya I think overall tonight was a good night. Oh, and my phone is working now, except for whatever reason it comes up as Leslie when I call anyone. lol, quite funny actually. I think what I could really use is some sleep, and maybe a little more review before the test tomorrow. I think I am going to do great on the exam though, just because I have been studying and I've been doing so well in my heamtology labs, I think as long as I stay calm that I should be fine. I was listening to music earlier, one song in particular actually, Shackles by Mary Mary, and just everything in that song was speaking to me. When I was all worked up about the whole *boy* issues my focus sure wasn't on God. And now I realize that sometimes I get back into that rut. I don't know if you've ever heard the song before, but if you haven't you need to and if you have you'll know what I'm talking about. You have to give everything to God, no matter how tough life may be, he can handle it, and he will handle it. He won't give you any thing that you can't handle, and everything tht he does give to you is to make you a better person, even if the only way it does that is to knock you off your high horse and humble you to the level you need to be at. One thing that I have discovered in the last three days is that God loves it when you call on him. He doesn't leave you, no matter how much you think that he has. The moments in your life when he feels the furthest away are the point in your life that you have no faith in him. How is he supposed to help you if you refuse to accept it. He's not going to force you to accept his help. So don't pray for soemthing if you don't want it to happen. On the other hand, don't ever underestimate the power of prayer, because God is always listening to you. He loves you sooooo much. Think about it, not many people would send their Sons to be killed so that you can be forgiven. I'll leave you with that thought for the night, I'm going to read over my notes again and get to bed. Have a blessed night guys.

The shortest route to get where you want to go is a straight line, until you run into something solid.

So I'm back now from the wedding and it was truly great. Angie looked so pretty in her dress, and Leigh looked very handsome. I was so amazed at how relaxed the whole thing was. Most weddings you go to, everyone is so uptight. It was just great to be able to relax and have fun. School has been pretty crazy lately, we had a midterm yesterday and we have exams all weekI knew that this year was going to be tough, but I didn't think that it would start this soon. lol. Things are going pretty good around here. I'm starting to get better, and I am definatly getting back on track with God. Sometimes I would get so angry at the fact that I was going through what I was going through, but then I am reminded time and time again that God is taking me through this for a reason, I may not know now what that reason is, but I do know that this has made me stronger and definatly showed me what I do not want in relationship. I guess I should probably end this here for tonight. I have another exam tomorrow and I'm thinking that getting some extra sleep would probably be a good idea. I'll try and write more tomorrow, but I'm not making any guarentees. Later all

Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional!

That quote has meant so much to me in the past little while. I've been hurting since I got back here, you can ask anyone, I haven't really been myself and I owe it all to a little thing called heartbreak. I thought it would be easier than it was, but it sure wasn't. However I have now come to the realization that I offered a lot to him, and it hurts to have what I gave him discarded with such carelessness but I have also come to the relalization, that he could really care less if I sit around in my room and mope or if I get out there and move on with life. God has really been working on me lately. He has been showing me things about my life that I need to get past. The other night was spent in tears about things from the past that I have been hanging on to. God wants to take those things from me, he doesn't want me to suffer, he wants me to give those things to him and depend on him, but he won't pry them out of my fingers. That is where it becomes optional to suffer. There is always something thats going to hurt, thats part of the fall of man, nothing is going to be perfect, but just because it is painful doesn't mean that we have to sit around and act like we are in pain from it. We need to hand those things over to God and start the healing process. For those of you who know the whole situation, yes I have made progress. I won't do it anymore, I have given my relationships to God. He will help me to develop the ones that need to be developed and he will protect me. No this doesn't mean that I will never get hurt again, it's just I'm not going to get hurt in the same way. I won't let myself get into that situation again, by relying fully on God and letting him guide me in my relationships. I've been playing my guitar alot more lately, worshiping quitly and sitting in Gods awesom presence, even when I take Dash out for a walk, God comes with us, it's been amazing truly. I know that there will be days that I stumble again, but I'm hoping and praying that when I stumble and fall, I can get back up quickly. I have been trying lately to humble myself before God. I know it sounds like an easy thing to do, but every time I humble myself, I find myself putting myself above again, not above God, but above other things. I am not perfect and I know that, but I also know that God is working on me, on my attitude, my heart, all things about me, and I know that he will make me acceptable. It's taken me a while to get to this point but I think that I have finally forgiven myself, which helps me to move on and forgive others. Don't get me wrong there are still alot of things that I need to work on, but with God's help I think that I can crawl out of the pit that I have been living in lately and onto a path that is acceptable to God. I know that he doesn't have plans for me to be miserable, cause I can't very well be a disciple if I am locked in my room. Well I hate to stop well I am on a role, but I have a midterm on Monday, exams all next week and I have to be home for the wedding this weekend. I will talk to ya'll later. I want to thank you for your patience and prayers and hopefully I will hear from all you guys soon. Love you all!

A million dollar lesson

Hey all, so I watched million dollar baby tonight, a totally great show. All through the movie little things were jumping out at me, and even though it's not a *christian* movie, I learned a valuable lesson from it. 'Anyone can lose one fight', that was one line in the movie that particularly stuck out for me. Not in the literal sense of fighting as in physical or even verbal, but more in the sense of a neverending emotional battle within myself. I guess it took that line to make me realize that I have lost, and it's ok. Now that I have probably throughly confused you, most of you know that I have had trouble with this one particular guy, not that he's doing anything at the moment which is fine with me, but all summer I've been thinking about him and thinking that i was over him, and it only took me seeing him once to realize that I'm not even close. Not that I have a choice in the matter, it just kinda happened that way, we got a little too close too quickly and invested a lot in a relationship that should have never been invested in that relationship. And now here I am, hurting, in tears and totally lost in thought about what could have been different. Listening to that line in the movie made me realize that I have lost that fight, but just because I lost it doesn't mean that I won't have another fight to get involved in, and even if I fail at other attempts, eventually, persistance will pay off and I will win one. I just need to work on forgiving myself first. A very wise person told me tonight "God won't give you more than you can handle. He uses trials to make us stronger, and when we are broken He takes that opportuninty to mold us into something more spectacular than before." And the more I think about it the more I see the truth in those words. I know that I've known all along that God wouldn't let me go through this if I couldn't handle it, but I guess that it took someone pointing it out to me time and time again for me to actually get it stuck in my head. I know with all my heart that God is going to get me through this, and who knows, maybe at the end of it I will meet *Mr. Right* but for now he is just going to have to wait. I need to heal a little before I can move on. And now that I realize that I have lost, I need to get back up and brush myself off, and get back to conditioning so that the next fight that comes up, I am stronger, and don't break as eaisly. Not that being broken is a bad thing, but it does tend to hurt alot. I guess though, if I was never broken I could never be fixed, and that would be no good either.
I never realized how hard this was going to be until I got here this year, but I know that God will take care of me no matter what, even if I slip up again, He will be there holding my hand, helping me to see the light at the other end of the tunnel.
I better get going to bed though, it's late and I have to be up early tomorrow to do clinic chores before church, and I still need to do my devotions tonight. Hopefully all is going well for you guys, and I hope to hear from you all soon. I miss you guys tonnes, have a great night, and I'll try and keep you guys posted with any new developments...... lata all!

Getting shot didn't hurt that bad

OK before you freak out about the title, it's a shot, not getting shot, but I thought the title was fitting. We got our rabies shots yesterday, well the first in a series of three. The nurses were worried about me having a reaction, but so far I've been alright, at least I'm not foaming at the mouth. lol, not that I would, I would probably croak before that. Ok, but down to serious business....... unfortuantly this can't be long, cause it's going to be an early day tomorrow and it's already getting pretty late and I need to do my devotions tonight, cause *sigh* I missed them last night due to illness. I know I know, thats absolutley no excuse, but I couldn't even keep my eyes open and I was so cold, but I'm pretty sure that I will be ok, well at least I hope so....My clinic cat was so sick today, I was a little worried that I would walk back into the room and it would be dead, but it is slowly recovering now, unfortunatly I'm not sure that it will make it to a home to be loved, it's not the nicest cat in the world, and if it has something serious then we will have to destroy everyone, that would make me so sad..... hopefully we don't have to do that. Anyway onto a more cheerful subject, I've almost made it through another week. Surprisingly it has gone super quick. I took Dash to the club carnival tonight, she was our model for the Stock Dog Club. She was great, really good with the people who came by, but not the best example of a stock dog. She has a tonne of energy, after the club carnival we went and walked her, (in the pouring rain and I wonder why I'm sick) I'm so glad that I have her up here with me this year. When things get tough I find it helpful to take her for a walk and just spend some time with God, away from my housemates and distractions of the campus, not that there is anything wrong with my housemates or the campus, just sometimes I think it's important to take some time off. I've been thinking alot lately about what I'm going to do after I'm done school for good, I could come back and do a three year degree program in Edmonton and get a degree in Animal Health Technology or I could go to Calgary and try my hand at vet med, or I could go out and join the working world, providing I pass my VTNE, which apparently the passing mark went up 10%. Talk about freaking out. I get so worked up about exams, but this year I am going to try to have a completely different attitude about them. I believe that I can get a 90% on all my exams, and I am goign to go into my exams with a can do attitude. I'm starting to believe it when people tell me that attitude is everything!! Now only if I could have that attitude toward everything...... I'm trying though, I really am, but I still understand that this year is going to take a tonne of work, we can't use a calculator for anything this year, and we start into surgeries first thin in October, then before you know it it's March and bam, practicum here I come. I'm a little nervous, although I know that I have nothing to worry about cause the girls back home are great to work with and I know that if I have trouble with anything that they will help me out, hey who knows, maybe they will even help me study for the VTNE. Wow, I shoulg go though, I know this isn't really much of an update, but it's what I have for now, I do have more, but I really need to get going, the faster I get to my devotions the faster I can call it a night. lol, unless God has something else planned for me then I might be up all night. *Yawn* Night all, e-mail somtime so I know what's goign on with you guys, I promise that I will try to e-mail you back, luv ya

Sick as a dog, or in my case a cat

Ok so you can probably tell from the title that I am not feeling a 100% which totally sucks, cause being sick and looking after sick animals at the same time is truly no fun at all. An it doubly sucks cause we start our series of rabies shots tomorrow, and apparently they don't make you feel to great either. lol, just one thing after another...... I vaccinated the cat this afternoon and he didn't take my eyes out, so I was pretty happy about that, but so far thats been the highlight of my day. That means it can only get better right? I have one more class after this, then I think I'm going to have a long nap before I run my dog. Hopefully small animal diseases won't go long today, usually Robyn is pretty good about letting us out early, expecially on long days, which is pretty much evey day except for friday. lol I better run though, I don't want to be late, andI think I might start a loaf of bread before I go. Catch ya'll later.

Random nonsense and a life lesson, lol

Ok, so it's not really a life lesson, just something that I totally learned about myself tonight. I suck at fooseball. I went to the Edge with Heather tonight and played fooseball for an hour, and only won two games, it wasn't very good, I knew I sucked but I didn't think that I sucked that bad. lol, oh well it was fun at least. We found out that every sunday is college night, so I think that we will prolly go again sometime, as long as our schedual allows for it. So I'm sitting here with one of my housemates watching Save the Last Dance, and thinking about things that have been going on in my life in the past few days. I have been worried alot about boy stuff, mainly I keep thinking what if every guy I meet hurts me as bad as the last one, I don't want to be scared about never finding *the one* because I know in my heart that God will take care of it, but everytime I get mixed up with someone and get hurt then I build up walls and I get scared to let people get close, and if I never let anyone get close then how am I going to get to know anyone, and that starts a whole new way of thinking... grrr.. sometimes it's so frusterating being a girl... lol, not that I know what it's like to be a guy, which is probably a good thing cause I would probably just complain about that too. I'm sorry guys, I'm in a complainy mood lately, I don't know if it is because I'm stressed about a certain boy, or if it's just cause I'm not into full classes yet and I know that I'm going to go insane when I am. Oh well. I took Dash for a super long walk today, we went around town and then ran for a while. It was fun, at least for a little bit, I would have gone for longer but I think that we were both getting kinda tired. I haven't really been sleeping the greatest, hopefully once things start back to a schedual and I have no time to freak out about the little things maybe I will be able to sleep for a full night, even though I'm not really tired when I wake up in the morning. Church was good today, it felt good to be back. The congregation here is almost electric, you really feel welcome, and I always leave the service energized, kinda like the energy that you get from camp or a youth sermon. I think part of it could be the worship band, or maybe the simple fact that in a church that huge you can still feel at home. I've been to a few services at a church that only had like 30 members in the congregation and not one of them said hello when I walked in the door, when that happens it's kinda frusterating. I mean I know that I'm not the best at saying hi to people when they come to church and thats something I have to get better at, but God is really working with me on that one. Each time I step out of my comfort zone, God blesses me and even though he has brought me so far, I still find it difficult to step out of that zone. I hope that one day I will jsut be able to step out in faith and be a witness to those around me. I pray that God would help me to step out and meet tonnes of new people and develop new relationships. I also pray that he would help me to be a witness through my actions and my life. I want to be a witness to others. I really do, but I can't really witness to people if I'm scared of them. I suppose I should go, I get a clinic cat tomorrow so I suppose it would be a good thing to kinda be focused to be able to handle it. Cats don't seem to like me much, especially when I am trying to vaccinate them. lol, I will try to update you guys again soon, but if I don't I'll be home in two weeks for the wedding. Love y'all

If teardrops were kisses.....

Ok so thats a stupid title for an entry, but I shed a few tears today and really wish that they were kisses, not cause I want to be kissed but in my way of thinking kisses should technically hurt less then the tears shed today did. lol, sorry guys, I'm having a bit of a rough day, but things appear to be looking up from here. When I woke up this morning, I had a killer headache, I didn't want to talk to anyone or do anything, so I took a couple tylenol and went back to bed, when I finally got up I was in slightly a better mood, but I was still having a rough day. I've been worried alot about things from back home and boys (well one boy in particular) around here. I'm not worried as much as confused even though I wish I wasn't I have to take some time to figure things out. I think most of everyone who will be commenting on this will know the situation and for those of you who don't, I'm afraid that you don't know me well enough to know the whole story. I am trying to accept the fact that I'm hurting about it, but I'm also trying to get over the hurt, which isn't actually as easy as it should be, or at least as easy as I think it should be. Ok I believe that I have now succeeded to confuse myself. lol, easy enough to do..... any whoo, I have a great bunch of roomies who have helped me to feel better today. We were watching movies tonight and wating junk food, always a bonus to make you feel better, lol, at least for the time being. Things are looking up though.. Dash is getting along quite well in her kennel which is good, I was worried that she wouldn't adjust back to kennel life after she got so spoiled this summer. The animals are coming on Monday, and I have a cat for this week, then another week and I'll be home for the wedding. Thats exciting. I'm really kinda pumped to be back right now. I want to get started and get finished so that I can get done. lol.... anxious much, just a little. I think that I'll be more excited once I get my phone hooked up, which aparently won't be a while cause they are having problems with the land line here, they are trying to accomadate me though, by trying to set me up with a cell phone that will cost me the same as a land line. I really hope that it works out that way and that I can be up and talking soon. lol, that sounds kinda funny, I'm really glad that we got the intenet working in our house now. It's been great to be able to update this and get in contact with a few people. I should prolly go though and update this another day, I haven't eaten supper yet and I'm getting kinda hungry. lol, I'll chat at ya'll later, e-mail me and update me on what you guys have been up to. Love ya!!

upside out and backwards update lol

hey all, just a little note to let you know that I now have internet in my room at the house. no phone as of yet, they are still working on that one and hopefully it will be up and running soon. I miss all you guys from back home. I mean it's great to be back here and getting back into the swing of things, but I want to be home with all you guys, in my comfort zone where I would curl up in bed and hide if I wanted to. You may be a little confused at this, but the problem is lately I have been feeling pretty stressed, not unbarably, although if I'm stressed now I can't imagine what exam time will bring. I would love nothing more then to curl up in my bed and sleep until the stress goes away, but I suppose in order to do that I have to first pin point exactly what the stress in my life is. I have a pretty good idea of what it might be but absolutly no idea of how to fix it. I know that if I gave it totally to God that He would help me with it but for whatever reason, my stubborness is coming out and I can't seem to let go. Pray for me please. I am praying also, but I'm having a hard time doing so. I just get so sad sometimes, and other times I'm happy and excited. I'm just a roller coaster of emotion at the moment, which pretty much sucks but hopefully it will get better. I think it's just the stress of a new environment, new classes, and a wicked hard schedual, it's not that there are that many classes in it, it's the amount of extra time we have to spend after hours this year. Oh well I'll get used to it after a while I suppose. I picked up Dash today. I missed her so much, I never realized it until I got her back here. It's been great training her and I know that she has not yet reached her full potential, I just hope that after a summer of being completely spoiled that she can get back into the grind of working. lol, I know that sounds kinda silly for a dog, but it's the truth. I'm excited to have her back though. I suppose maybe I should go and try to get some sleep though. That may help, and now that I have net in my room, I will probably be updating this a little more frequently, although my entries may not always make sense. lol, oh well. night all!

Somewhat settled

Ok, so I'm moved in, no phone no net as of yet, but we are working on it. I'm in the computer lab right now so I'm not sure how long I can make this, I really don't like these keyboards. lol, suppose I shouldn't really complain, at least there is internet here. I'm moved into my house and I have unpacked and kinda organized my room, but my schedual is still completely nuts. We had class today and found out that on Monday's and Thursdays we have 7 hours of lecture, not fun at all. The rest of the time we have lab, that will be ok I suppose, I'm a little nervous about the amount of hours that we will be logging in the clinic but I guess I better get used to it if I am going to be doing it for the rest of my life. There is so much that I could update you guys on, but I think that I need to take a little time to figure it out for myself, don't worry though, I am praying about it, and hopefully God will show me soon what I am supposed to be doing. For now I will keep praying. I'm gonna run cause I really hate this keyboard, but I will put another update on soon. Talk to ya'll later.

Finally ready to go...

So I finally finished packing today and loaded it all in my vehicle so that I didn't have the urge to emptybut my boxes yet again. It's not that I don't want to go, I just don't like the transition, if I could just put all my stuff in my rav the morning I was leaving and unpack it all and have it set up a couple hours later I'd be set, but I'm not so much for the waiting in between. It hasn't been too bad though. Amanda came out a couple days early so that we can travel up somewhat together and arrive at the same time, I think that's awesome cause then we can help each other unpack, it always goes quicker when you have someone to keep you company. Saying goodbye to people has been difficult, but not too bad, cause I'll be back in a couple of weeks to pick up my dog. Until then she has to stay here with Mom and Dad. They have become quite attached to her though, so I'm sure it's not a problem. This is going to be a great year, well I think it will be anyways, maybe if I go into it with a positive attitude then it will go great. I was a little worried about the classes being harder, but after working practice all summer I think that I will be able to do fine. I may have to study a little more but I'm totally willing to put that effort in. I also have to remeber to spend my daily time with God. I learned from last year that it's so easy to walk away from Him when things are going good, cause really when everything is going your way you don't want anything else, but I also learned that it's those times when you walk away that God hits you the hardest and shows you just how much you need Him. I started a new devotion book yesterday, it's called Pathway to Purpose for Women. I haven't really got past the introduction yet, but it really jumped out at me at the store, so I think that it will be good to get started with. I'm not going to be able to write on this for a couple days... we wont' have internet hookup and I don't think that I'll have much time to get to the computer lab until after things have settled down and classes have started. I would love to write tonnes tonight, but I have a feeling that it is going to be a very long day tomorrow. I want to thank you guys for all your prayers, I know that I will need them in the months to come, as sometimes I forget the simple things when life starts to get stressful. I've often thought that God must get frusterated with me when I do that, but it seems that everytime I turn back to Him He embraces me with such love that I know that He wants to help me and give me rest. It took me a while to come to the place where I could surrender to Him and let Him help me, and there are still some issues that I struggle with letting go of, but God is really working on me, and I am excited to see what He is going to do in my life this year. Wow, I really shoud go, I mean I know it's still pretty early, but I'm beat and like I said before it's going to be a long day. Catch ya later guys! God Bless

So starts the chaos

I am sitting here in my Pj's looking at the huge mess around me, realising that I move in four days and I have now sucessfully packed and unpacked at least three times, the last time being an unpacking and now I am feeling very un-prepared. I suppose that I could just pack and leave it well enough alone, but my room looks so empty when I pack it, it makes me sad. I guess you could also say that I have having some hesitant thoughts about going back. Don't get me wrong, I am totally psyched to go back, and see all my friends again, but I am also going back knowing that this year will be harder then the last and that it is infact my last year and I will have to write a huge exam at the end of it all. I hate writing tests. I get to be kind of a stress case when it comes to exams. Even when it comes to spiritual tests, I always feel like I am going to fail, although I know that is not possible because God will be there holding my hand and my heart throughout the whole thing, and if I don't make the proper decision, He will help me to correct what I have made wrong. I have also learned time and time again, that He will not give me anything that I can not handle. With that being said, I should not be to terribly worried about the year that is set before me, cause I know that God will be taking care of me, but part of me is still nervous and aprehensive. I guess the purpose of this blog is to kinda of keep the folks back home up to date on what is going on, so I am hoping that it will serve it's purpose, I will try and blog often, but for now I must go and pack, and this time I will attempt to stay packed. Ciao all!