To be on the edge of breaking down when no one is there to save you

I can't even imagine what that would feel like. I mean there have been time in my life that I have felt I was on the edge, or walking fairly close to it, but there have always been friends there to grab me before I fall. So you may be wondering what brings me to think about this. One of my best friends called me tonight and told me that her step-dad commited suicide. Now hearing that from the town I grew up in isn't really that big of a shocker to me. There are lost of people around there who are depressed to the point of being suicidal, it's just been in the past couple years that it's been more and more people that I know. It makes me wonder what made it so bad that they couldn't live any more. It's like that song *how do you get so lonley, how does it hurt so bad, to make you make the call, that having no life at all, is better than the life that you had* I wish that I could come up with an answer for that, but so far the only thing that I can think about is the fact that they must be scared.
This also made me think about how blessed I am. I have a great family, although we don't always get along, I know that they love me, and I have an amazing bunch of friends who I know would go to the end of the world with me if they had to, and I have an awesome God who takes care of me. Even now, when I'm sick and tired, I know that I am loved, even more so in the fact that my friends are taking on the roles of family for me to help me out.
Another thing this brought to my mind is why some people get to choose this route, while others have it chosen for them. And I'm not talking about a natural death either. I'm talking about accidents, murders, those sorts of things. It brought back to mind when Katie was killed in that accident. She was only 19, she didn't have the choice, and if she did, I know that she wouldn't have taken her own life. But one thing I hear time and time again, is things happen for a reason, and just because I don't know what that reason was, that doesn't mean that I can be angry about it. Yes I miss her tonnes, but I also know that she is dancing on the clouds with Jesus, where she always wanted to go when she had to leave this world.
As for those who make the choice, I can't honestly say that I know where they end up, I just pray for their families that God would envelope them in his love and that they might find peace in his presence. I think that this is going to have to be all for tonight, I'm still sick and keeping my eyes open at the moment is proving to be very difficult. Feel free to leave your opinion and let me know what you think, and if you are feeling alone and upset, talk to someone you trust, or call a helpline or something. Know that there are people out there who will listen without judging, and if you really don't want to talk to them, then at least give the Big Guy upstairs a chance. There is a tonne of power in prayers. God bless. Night guys!

Sleepless in Vermilion

Ok, so I am super tired at the moment, surprise surprise, that seems to be a standard thing with me now. I didn't end up at the porcine lab this morning, which made me thankful that it was an optional lab, for the simple reason that I was beat. I had just woken up and I was still very tired. I really hate being sick. As for why I am not sleeping now, I find it quite difficult to sleep sitting up and when I lay down, I find the congestion in my lungs is just a little too much for me to handle. I just wish that there was something that I could do to make it better. I go back to the doc on Wednesday, and hopefully I will get some good news there. So right now I sit on my bed, typing up this blog, holding my teddybear close and wishing that I had someone here to look after me. If there is one time when I get homesick, it's when I am physically sick and emotionally drained. I miss being a little kid when Dad would bring me a cup of orange juice or when Mom would make me soup. Right now I am doing all that for myself, which isn't a bad thing, but I just miss having someone to look after me. I know, I know, I'm a big kid now and should be able to look after myself, and I know that I am very capable of doing just that, I just get mopey when I'm sick, so thats the mood I'm right now. I think I'm going to leave it at that for tonight though, maybe I can update more another day, but I'm going to go make a cup of tea and try to relax at least a little bit before I have to be out the door again in the morning. So have a good night, or a great day, depending on when you are reading this. Ciao!

Four more weeks until Christmas

Yes I have started the countdown. Not that I want to leave Vermilion, I just want to go home for a bit, relax and get away from the house. Things haven't really been getting a lot better with my housemates. Actually, it only seems to be one, and it seems that the whole house is having issues with this one person. It's not really fun at all. I'm trying though, and God is really working on my attitude towards her. "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your soul and all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it; Love your neighbour as yourself" Matthew 22:37-39
That verse has really been sticking out in my head lately. God has called me to love her, even though at times she may not be the nicest person, I am to love her as I love myself. And the more I look at that verse, the more I look at myself and wonder, by saying that I am annoyed with her, then should I not first be annoyed with myself? I am really going to work on that.
It's been a while since my last update, although nothing really truly exciting happened. I've been sick and thats about it. School has been pretty good though, even with being sick I've managed to still attend all of my regular classes and labs, so I haven't fallen behind, although somedays I wonder if I would have maybe been further ahead if I had stayed in bed. lol.
Well I really hate to cut this short, cause it has been a while, but I am tired, and achy, and we have a porcine cesarian first thing in the morning, so bed is sounding like a fantastic idea. I will try and update again soon. Ciao!!

Back from the city!!

Hey all, SAVT conference was great!!! We got to the city early afternoon and went for a tour of the WCVM and VIDO. They were pretty interesting. I think that it would be cool to go and shadow a vet student for a day, you know, kinda get the first hand tour of what it would be like to be a vet student. After the tours we went to the Radisson to check into our rooms. Then we sat in the lobby for a bit, went out for supper and came back to register for the conference. We got so much cool stuff, they treated us very well, lol. After we were all registered and had our first meeting, we met up with Mel and headed out to Timmy Ho's for some coffee. We got home at a fair time (1am is fair isn't it, lol) then straight to bed to get some much needed sleep before the start of the conference. Saturday (my birthday) our day started early. 8am we were down in the conference rooms eating some breakfast and drinking some really nasty juice, then our sessions started. My first session was Emergency Triage, which was very interesting, followed by K9 aqua therapy, which I also found ver interesting and informative. Then we had lunch. They gave us all the stuff that we needed to make some pretty good taco's. After lunch it was Pain Management session and a session on neurological patient care. After that we scampered off to our rooms to prepare for the banquet. Everyone looked truly stunning and the food was just amazing. Amanda told one of the servers that it was my birthday and she went and got me a piece of cake and a candle and started singing "Happy Birthday" pretty soon most of the hall had joined in. I was pretty embarassed but very happy at the same time. After supper, there was a comedian, she was a riot, I think half the fun was watching some of the other people though, they had the most interesting expressions on their faces, lol. When that was ll over and the laughs were all up, Bronwynn, Amanda, Mark and myself headed over to Whiskey Jacks for some kareoke. It was really fun. Amanda and I sang "I will survive" by Gloria Gaynor. Mark said that we did really well. And they bought me a teddy bear. We went home pretty early. We left for the hotel at about quarter after 12, packed our bags and went to bed. 7am came really early this morning as we loaded the bus for our short trek to the WCVM for our wet labs. I had abstracts first, which wasn't too bad, but not really aplicable to a student, and lab animal handling second, which was pretty interesting. After that we were back on the bus and heading back to school. It seems to take forever to get anywhere on a bus. We got back from the city at about five and I went to see my dog. I think that pretty much brings you up to date on the happenings of my weekend. I had a really great birthday, and I'd just like to say thanks to everyone. You guys are great, and I couldn't honestly ask for better friends. I think I'm going to call it a night though, even though I did have a topic that I was going to blog on, I'm pretty tired and I'm thinking that it's just going to have to wait until next time. lol. I know that it's early to be going to bed, but this weekend kinda drained me. Night all. *hugzz*

Hey all

This is just a super quick entry to let you all know that I'm still here. It's been a while, and I do have a lot to update, but it won't be until next week sometime. I am leaving for conference in Saskatoon at 8 in the morning, so I'm going to catch some sleep before I go, I just thought I better say something on here, just incase you were wondering where I've been. lol, I'll update ya'll on the happenings at the conference, and everything else that has been going on in my life when I get back. Catch ya on the flip side.